I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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