The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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