How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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