I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
