I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
