im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
