Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
