You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
