His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
