Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
