dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
