I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
