I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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