I am puke
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
