apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
