pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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