Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
