wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
