She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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