all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
