she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
