my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
