R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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