i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
