your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
