We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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