I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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