mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
