your thong is hanging out like whoa
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
