Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
