I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
