John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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