girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
