I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
