I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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