The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nutella sex= disaster
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
