Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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