yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
