i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would ride that face into the sunset
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
