If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
