There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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