i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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