That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I should be sponsored by Trojan
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
