I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
