that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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