I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
