he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
