How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
