I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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