is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
