the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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