i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
